Being Me

Being Me Its tough universe a puerile girl especi completelyy me, thats excruciating. Take some advice no one whoremonger ever to the full witness psyche so dont even try to its impossible. As you read this essay beware, non everyone lives with money and happiness handed to them or lives the dream. Fact 1, Everyone is stereotyped, bound to w nauseatever group everyone else thinks you are, not who you actually are every stereotype hates at least one early(a). I frustrate stereotyped because of the make-up on my face, nothing else, vertical how I manner. Why? To find another way to make themselves feel discontinue by putting everyone else down.Pathetic, right? I dupe lost and gained so m either people it is unbelievable one thing I go away say though, is no one sticks almost. They expect you there for their troubles exactly when yours its completely different, you can negociate them on your own, yes of course. I convey gained 3 important people though, Heather Gem ma and Anya, they may not stick around forever scarcely they are the closest. I am bitter towards fri annulships because I lost my best friend to her boyfriend, shaped my opinions on almost everything, from friendships to relationships with anyone, a great deal.Looking cover charge on this I would say I travelling bagd that poorly, I dont need to be hasty but I choose to be. Right, lets take a look into the intricate mind of me. My paranoia ruins all my relationships, including my family and friends, it works me up to the point I get extremely upset to the point I cant eat or sleep. My paranoia makes me think that if I havent intercommunicate to someone in a few sidereal days they absolutely hate my guts, it ruins everything for me. Also, my temper has extremely heightened to the point I am constantly natty towards everyone, the smallest things irritate me.If it was possible I would evaporate my paranoia into thin air and get on with my life but when I look plump for on it I wish I would just grow up, name myself a slap and get on with my life. I am constantly timid out and lacking any enthusiasm in anything. This means my centralize on anything, especially school work. Unfortunately I need my grades for a job, college or maybe even university- how good would it be if you didnt? It puts your self-assurance down to know you would need higher As to succeed. Oh well, you can only do the best you can?No, not good enough, shake the barriers, get the highest grades possible Yeah right When I look back on my focus on my grades etc, I actually cannot foster it, I wish I could grasp what the teachers tell me but it goes right by means of me no outlet what I try. As many other teenage girl I dont see, in the mirror, what everyone sees when they look at me. I see a FAT, ugly, scarred girl, looking back at me. To do my make-up in the morning I see a monster gawk back at me. My weight will not change no matter what I do, I cannot change my face, I cannot cha nge my past either I completely give up now.When people look at me they only see the intimidating merely happy me I want them to see this gives them the impression of no matter what they do I will be as strong as ever, they will never bring me to my knees. I would say I handle this extremely well considering the amount of self criticism I give myself. People can change your attitudes towards almost anything I suppose yes? Correct. one(a) person has influenced my recent attitude adjustments I cannot sleep any more than, I cannot arrogance anyone and he makes me extremely short tempered.Now-a-days if anyone just slightly annoys me I have thoughts going through my head of the things I would do to them if possible but luckily enough I manage to keep my temper. I handle my temper burst than anything else in my life, I dread to think where I would be if it completely consumed me. I suppose you could say I have never had a proper start in life I never really saw my parents growing up, I grew up with frenzy but technically that made me the person I am forthwith able to defend myself although I just use it to intimidate.Peer imperativeness also played a part in my growing up I had no chance growing up as a normal teenager oh, do this, its cool Cmon, just do it DO IT, DO IT In the end you just end up bowing down to peer pressure, then it consumes you with its viscous grip. I wish I had never given into peer pressure, it has supplemented into ruining my life. Of all things that should affect me, death doesnt. It happens yes it fills you with great sadness but on the other hand it happens, get over it. It happens to everyone close or near to you.Although I must admit I am lucky enough never to have lost a relative as close such as a parent, sibling, etc. I lost my great aunt Ivory not too long ago but I was at a loss as to why we celebrate the day of someones funeral, it just seems wrong. They may possibly be better off dead but people should be looking back in re morse to think they never spent any more time possible with that person I never spent any more time with my granddad than when my mother took me in. I didnt understand he was dying but I wish I had pass to pay more time with him.When I think about it all, I handle my life as best as I can, if I lost at least one aspect, maybe my temper, I would be ended, that would appear on my records preventing me from my beloved job I crave. To be serious? I am a cold person who should be messed up more than I already am but who can help anyone? No one because no one can ever fully understand another, it is impossible. I wish I wasnt so messed up although I wouldnt trade my life for anyone elses, because everyone has their flaws.